"I destroyed white baby dolls."

My favorite books are the ones that I read too young and never fully understood. In my recent rereading of The Bluest Eye, I spent quite a few moments in awe of concepts I never understood the gravity of in my youth. It's kind of ironic now that I see just how much importance children and the concept of youth possess in this novel. Although the focus really isn't about Claudia's life or personal story, her point of view is fascinating. From Claudia, we gain this raw, truthful perspective on racial beauty; a child's perspective. Claudia doesn't understand how her elders can continuously give her little white dolls and expect her to cherish them. These dolls look nothing like her, and to be continuously told by the world that little white girls encompass all things good only makes her believe that as a little black girl, she's inferior. It's understandable that Claudia develops this immense hatred for little, good, white girls. What I think is really interesting is how, in Claudia's mind, it's only logical to hide her disdain in pure adoration of Shirley Temple and later, Maureen Peal. Thinking about it, I feel like I've always understood that adoration, but never where it came from. I'm pretty sure I've known quite a few little black girls who wished for straighter hair or lighter eyes. I'm pretty sure for a few years of my life, I was one of them.

The best quality of Morrison's writing, I think, is her ability to take a character, tell their entire story, tie their past into the present plot, and not lose the reader somewhere in between. This is what kind of saves the characters of Cholly Breedlove, Pauline Breedlove, and Soaphead Church. Realistically, it's impossible to fairly judge whether people are truly good or bad. However, judgement is one of those basic human traits we all possess whether we want to or not. Looking at Mr. and Mrs. Breedlove's behavior and notoriety around town, it's easy to make the assumption that they are 'bad people.' Bad people do bad things, right? Or maybe bad things happen to people, which in turn makes them bad people who do bad things. Morrison challenges the stipulations and gives the reader a reason to maybe give the Breedlove's the benefit of the doubt. Both Mr. and Mrs. B had pretty bad childhoods. I feel that both of them aren't prepared to be adults and when faced with the responsibilities of adulthood, they are unequipped to handle the pressure. Not only are they unequipped, but they are also unsure of how to handle the pressure and, of course, fold underneath it. Both lacked guidance as children, is that really their fault? Can they be blamed for mistakes they don't know better than to make? I don't think so. Maybe I'm at fault for doing so, but I pity them both and I cannot bring myself to fully blame them for things they do.

I don't know if I necessary feel sorry for Soaphead Church, but I certainly don't see his issues with pedophilia as being the greatest ones he possesses. His deal is much more that he's personally insecure about himself and relies on hearing and "correcting" the misfortunes of others to make himself feel important and necessary in the world. When presented with Pecola's wish to have blue eyes, I think he is faced with a moment of realization about himself. He knows he cannot help her and he is angered at himself, for he feels her request is the most deserving of all he's heard. Yet, Church quickly sums up that his work is necessary because unlike God, he is not blatantly ignoring Pecola, even though there's nothing he can do for her. I feel like in that moment Church thinks himself comparable with God, or maybe even greater. Perhaps, there's more to him, after all this section is the climax of the novel, but I'm still a little confused about his character.

I wonder the most, but have no words to offer, about Pecola's conversation with her imaginary friend once she has obtained her blue eyes. That's always the hardest section for me to read, it's nothing but sad. Really sad.

I started Sula last night and I really like it, fifty pages in. It's definitely a woman's book, that's why you think it sucks Gabe.

Thus far, my biggest realization is that I'm going to have to read a lot faster to finish all nine novels.

Chinwe